Audio Essay: the moment

I sit in my air-conditioned car that smells of vanilla car freshener, not aware of the odor of the garbage that’s been piling up in Mohandessin over the past weeks. Of course, there is traffic and Cairo streets are crazy to drive in, so it’s not as comfortable as it seems but at least I’m in a car, which somehow gives me the feeling that I’m sheltered. Then I wait at an intersection and a dusty faced child wearing rags knocks on my window with desperation in his eyes. I get the urge the smile to him but through experience I know that this would only make him hang about my window for a longer time, so I look away and totally ignore him. He knocks again and this time asks for money “just one pound,” he pleads. For me one pound is nothing, I mean, I always gladly dispose of the extra coins in my wallet but I still ignore him and look the other way. But turning away doesn’t make his presence less palpable. I still feel it, like the presence of an invisible ghost in the room. I think to myself, why shouldn’t I give him a pound? I won’t lose anything. But then I’m reminded that they are probably working under a bully who takes all the money from them. But maybe by not giving them money they would be abused even more by the man they’re working under, but something inside me still holds back and I look ahead trying to ignore the pleading eyes. But then when I drive away I always feel guilty and it takes some time to shake off that feeling. Sometimes when I walk down the street I give them chocolates which somehow makes me feel a little bit better, but the guilt still haunts me every time I look away and ignore them. I know there is no perfect way to handle a situation like this, it is not something you could get a manual for. Sometimes I just remind myself that too much comfort can make someone numb and maybe just maybe they experience life more thoroughly, more deeply than I. Through encountering more hardships they could be feeling things I could never imagine of feeling.